All in Good Taste
by YappiChick
Summary: An International Foodie Convention. A green green greenhouse. A Desaltinator. And, of course, a sister who wants nothing more than to bust her brothers. Basically, it's just another normal day in Danville.


**Written for Yuletide 2010 for eustaciavye. There are quite a few gratuitous Food Network/Alton Brown mentions, but I couldn't let this opportunity pass because with Phineas and Ferb, the possibilities are endless. :D :D As always, I'd love to know what you think. :D**

* * *

"Are you sure you guys don't want to come with us?" Linda asked, standing at the kitchen counter. "It is the first time that the International Foodie Convention is coming to Danville."

Phineas looked at Ferb who shook his head emphatically. "We're sure. You know how Ferb gets when the whole kosher salt versus Fleur de Sel debate gets brought up," Phineas replied.

"Oh yes, we did promise never to bring that debate up again," Linda said. "What about you, Candace?"

The redhead rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Right. It's so much fun watching some guy chop up a chicken on a big stage." She shook her head. "Pass."

"Fine, have it your way. Your father and I will be back this evening after the foodie convention is over," Mom replied, grabbing her purse.

As she walked through the backdoor, Isabella approached the house. "Good morning, Mrs. Fletcher," she greeted happily.

"Hi, Isabella. The boys are inside," Linda said.

Isabella walked into the kitchen. "Hey Phineas," she said with a grin. "Whacha doing?"

"Ferb was just about to tell me about the importance of brining," Phineas answered pleasantly. "I think all this talk of food with the International Foodie Convention has woken up his appetite."

"I know all about the foodie convention," Isabella replied, annoyance uncharacteristically slipping into her voice.

"You don't like foodies?" asked Phineas, confused.

"Oh no, I like them just fine," she quickly replied, "but today is the Fireside Girl's Annual Supporting Elderly People to Consume Organic Food Picnic and with all the foodies in Danville, all the farmer's markets have run out of organic, locally-grown produce," she sighed.

Phineas pushed away from the table with a familiar gleam in his eye. "Locally grown produce..." He flashed a grin at Ferb. "I know what we're gonna to today."

"Great," said Isabella, smiling. "You gonna need some help."

"Know anyone with green thumbs?"

"The Fireside Girls are on the case."

Phineas looked around, "Hey, where's Perry?"

In the living room, Perry walked across the floor to the potted plant in the corner of the room. After a quick glance in both directions, Perry lifted up the fake plant and jumped inside the pot. Quickly, he slid down the long tube that dropped him in his seat in his secret hideout.

He looked at the screen where Major Monogram was addressing someone off camera. "Who assigned Agent S to the foodie convention?"

"That would be, um, you, sir," Carl's high-pitched voice said from behind the camera.

"Humph! Well, how was I supposed to know that those foodies would want to eat him?" huffed the major.

"Well, actually, sir, escargot is considered quite the delicacy in France. Sometimes-"

Tired of listening to their conversation, Perry chirped.

"Agent P!" Monogram said, interrupting the young intern.

Perry raised an eyebrow. He never knew what he would hear before he was given his assignment.

"We have just received surveillance of Dr. Doofenshmirtz creating another one of his inators. With all the international celebrity chefs in Danville, it's sure to make a recipe for disaster," the Major said seriously. "Go and see what he is up to!"

Perry saluted. As the screen shut off, he made his way to his turbo jet and stealthy made his way out of his secret lair and began flying towards the center of town.

"I'm telling you, Stacy, sometimes I think it would be better to have a family of carnies," Candace said on the phone, annoyance in her voice. "At least they would be expected to be crazy."

"Come on, Candace, your family isn't that bad."

Candace rolled her eyes as she flopped back on her bed. "That's easy for you to say. I mean, my mom invited me to the International Foodie Convention today."

"Is that today?"

"Oh no, not you too," Candace groaned.

"You've got to admit that Jamie Oliver is pretty cute."

"How could you think-?"

Suddenly, a looming shadow started creeping in her room through the window facing the backyard. With a huff, she stormed off her bed, opened her window, and saw the beginnings of an enormous greenhouse -that was literally green! - in the backyard. "Stacy, I've gotta call you back." She clicked off her phone and yelled, "Phineas! Ferb!"

She raced down the stairs and ran outside where her brothers, Isabella and the Fireside Girls were standing. A large truck had just finished delivering several huge bags of seed in their backyard. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh, hey Candace," greeted Phineas evenly. "We just built a green green greenhouse. It's environmentally sound. It grows plants in the ideal environment and, of course, it's green. That was Ferb's idea."

He held up a paintbrush with still wet green paint on it.

"And," Candace said, taking a step closer to the building, "is the glass made from sheets of salt rock?"

"Ferb thought the briny flavor would permeate the vegetables, giving them a depth of flavor," Phineas explained.

Candace looked at the building to her brother then back at the building. Finally, she shouted. "You guys are so busted!"

"So, you don't want to see how it works?" asked Phineas sincerely.

"No, I don't! I'm calling Mom," she replied, opening her cell phone. She stabbed the speed dial button and held the phone to her ear. The phone rang as she impatiently tapped her foot.

"Hi, I can't come to the phone right now-"

"Grrr," she growled, snapping her phone shut. "When Mom sees this, you're going down!"

With an annoyed huff, she turned around and walked out the backyard gate.

Perry guided his jet directly towards the tall building of Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc. As he approached his destination, he set the autopilot and ejected himself from the pilot's seat. With an expert flip, he landed in the center of Doofenshmirtz's apartment.

"Perry the Platypus," the scientist greeted, unsurprised by the secret's agent appearance. "So nice of you to stop by."

Perry chirped in reply.

"Here," Doofenshmirtz said, holding out a piece of candy for Perry.

The platypus looked at the sweet treat suspiciously.

"Go ahead," Doofenshmirtz encouraged.

Cautiously, Perry reached out and took the candy from his hand. Suddenly, from behind him, a thick strand of licorice rope came racing towards him and wrapped around his body.

"Heh heh heh," laughed Doofenshmirtz. "It was almost as easy as taking a piece of candy from a baby, except you know, you're actually a platypus and I was actually trying to give you that candy and well, that's not the point!"

He moved to the side allowing Perry to see his latest creation. "You may be wondering 'what is Doofenshmirtz up to today?' Well, let me show you, Perry the Platypus. This…" He gestured grandly to the gigantic machine in the center of the room. "Is my Desaltinator!"

"You know what I hate, Perry the Platypus? Celebrity chefs! They have their little cooking shows, get some pots and knifes stamped with their names on them and sell them for ridiculous prices. Then, suddenly, they have a group of foodies following them everywhere they go!" complained Doofenshmirtz.

He started pacing in front of Perry. "Now they are all here in Danville for the International Foodie Convention and buy up all the organic produce. I mean, seriously, how can a guy make a quiche when he can't get any locally grown spinach?"

"But now," he continued with an evil grin, "when I activate my Desaltinator all the salt in the Tri-State Area will be drawn to my machine and all the food at the convention will be bland and terrible! Then what will they think about those celebrity chefs now?"

Perry rolled his eyes as he struggled against the candy rope.

"But," the scientist said, looking at his watch. "You're here a little early so you're going to have to just wait until the opening ceremony starts."

An awkward silence filled the room.

"Er, so, how is Major Monogram doing? Are his eyebrows still, you know…" Doofenshmirtz gestured towards his forehead, "linked together?"

Perry chirped, annoyed. He needed to get out of this sticky mess.

"So, as you can see we have every fruit and vegetable that's grown in the tri-state area," Phineas said, giving Isabella and the rest of the Fireside Girls a tour of the green green greenhouse. "Thanks to the intense greenness, we're able to cut down growing process in mere seconds."

For several moments, they watched a set of robotic arms planted the seeds. Then, the green filtered sunlight beamed on the soil. Within seconds, a fully-grown, ripe head of lettuce sprouted from the ground.

"Whoa," the girls said, in awe.

"When the produce is ready, it moves into the preparation room," he continued, leading them into the next room.

Several sets of robotic arms were prepping the produce, chopping, slicing and dicing while Ferb stood in the center of the room, inspecting each finished plate before adding a sprinkle of salt.

"We've programmed the green green greenhouse to prepare a three course meal for the picnic," Phineas explained.

"That's great, Phineas," Isabella said, beaming.

"Oh! And I almost forgot!" Phineas ran to where an assortment of flowers was planted. "Here," he said, handing Isabella a cluster of flowers.

"For me?" she said, blushing slightly.

"Sure! Just bring them over here and watch the magic happen!" Phineas said, walking to where the plates of food were waiting.

Confused, Isabella followed Phineas. With a grin, he took the flowers and carefully sprinkled the edible flowers on the plate. "Ferb always says it's just as much about presentation as it is the taste."

"Oh."

"You don't like the plate?"

"No, it looks really nice," she said, disappointed.

"Great!" Phineas replied, ignorant of Isabella's mood swing. "Then if you come this way, we can get the food packed in our mobile picnic basket."

"Mom! Mom! Phineas and Ferb have built a green green green greenhouse!" Candace shouted across the busy room. She stopped. Had she said green one too many times?

"Excuse me, miss, but your screaming is going to ruin my soufflé!" shouted a man from behind her.

"I don't care about your sofa," Candace shot back, frustrated. She ran through the large crowd of people. Finally, she saw the back of her mom's head. "Mom!"

Her mom's shoulders sunk. "Candace, can't this wait? The opening ceremonies are about to start. You know, it's not often that a veritable pantheon of culinary giants visit Danville."

"No! It can't wait! Phineas, Ferb and the Firefighter Girls-"

"Don't you mean Fireside Girls?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, they are trying to grow organic food for some kind of old person's picnic."

"And this is a problem because?"

"Because, they built a greenhouse! It's huge! It's green! Come on, Mom!"

"After the ceremony, Candace," Linda said firmly.

"Fine," she huffed. Candace leaned against the wall. At least, she thought, there was no way Phineas and Ferb would be able to get rid of that giant greenhouse.

"And now, Perry the Platypus, it is time to unleash the horror of the Desaltinator!" crowed Doofenshmirtz. "I can just imagine it now. All those chefs without their precious seasoning."

He laughed. "Prepare for blandness!"

Despite his best efforts, Perry couldn't free himself in time. He watched in horror as the scientist unleashed his evil scheme upon the unsuspecting foodies in Danville. He knew he needed to get out before it was too late and the chefs' reputations were ruined.

"Thank you all for coming to the third annual Fireside Girl's Supporting Elderly People to Consume Organic Picnic," Isabella said with a warm smile at the two dozen senior citizens sitting at the picnic tables.

Phineas and Ferb stood at the head of the tables, dressed in waiter's apparel. "We would like to present to you 'Lunch a la Danville'," Phineas said, smiling. "For our first course, we have started you off with a bed of micro greens, topped with organic tomatoes and snow peas which were lightly sprinkled with salt."

"Sea salt, of course," chimed in Ferb.

"Of course," agreed Phineas.

"I don't know why I had to give up my oatmeal for this," grumbled one of the old men.

Everyone looked at the elder man and didn't notice that the salt was mysteriously being lifted up and drawn in the direction of the Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc. building.

"Oh, quiet, Harold!" hushed the woman seated next to him. She smiled sweetly at Isabella. "Don't listen to him, dear. His taste buds have never been the same since he mistook the salt for sugar when he was baking."

"Dig in!" Isabella said happily.

"Um, dear, didn't you say it had been seasoned with sea salt?" Ethel asked as she swallowed the flavorless bite of salad.

"Yes, Miss Ethel, that's what Phineas said," she replied patiently.

"Then why-"

"Quiet, you old coot! It tastes perfectly bland and boring! Just the way I like it," hissed Harold. "I'm not giving mine up without a fight."

"Phineas?" Isabella asked.

The redhead looked at Ferb who shrugged. "I don't know what happened, Isabella. Is it possible that you didn't season the dish, Ferb?"

He shook his head emphatically.

"Well, let's just try the next dish and see if that's any better," suggested Phineas.

"You heard him, girls!" called Isabella. "Let's bring out the eggplant sandwiches."

Harold held on to his plate fiercely. "Not until I'm done with my meal, young lady!"

"After Mister Harold is done with his meal, of course," amended Isabella quickly.

Perry pulled on his licorice bonds. The heat of the Desaltinator were softening the sweet ropes, making it possible for him to wiggle his arms.

"It's almost time, Perry the Platypus! Then all those 'you're too good to eat in my restaurant' celebrity chefs will know what it's like to have their food scorned and mocked!" shouted Doofenshmirtz.

Suddenly, Perry broke free. Without waiting a second, he jumped on top of Doofenshmirtz and knocked him to the ground, which caused the remote to sail across the room. The two of them wrestled on the floor, each desperately trying to reach the control.

"You know, Perry the Platypus, sometimes it's really tiring always having to deal with you foiling my plans. Don't you ever get tired of doing that?"

A smack in his face by his tail was his answer.

"I guess not!"

With a quick roll, Perry landed directly in front of the remote. He swiftly scooped it up and hit the reverse button. Before he could hit the button, the machine started making a strange sound, as if it was struggling.

"What did you do?" the scientist demanded, looking at his Desaltinator worriedly.

Perry looked out the window and, to his surprise, a giant green greenhouse was flying towards them! He narrowed his eyes as the disbelief registered in his mind; that house was made from salt!

Doofenshmirtz followed the platypus' gaze. "You have got to be kidding me! What kind of person makes a house out of salt?" he demanded.

Perry had a good idea who would do such as thing as he thought about Phineas and Ferb.

He jumped out of the way as the large salt walls came crashing through the room. Doofenshmirtz, however, wasn't quite as lucky. The force of the impact caused him to go sailing out of the room.

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" he shouted.

Now that Doofenshmirtz had been taken care of, Perry still had to make sure that the International Food Convention was still a success. With a flick of the switch, he deactivated the Desaltinator. Carefully, he ducked back into the room and pulled out the salt compartment from the machine.

He looked at his watch. The opening ceremony was going to start in less than two minutes! He took the compartment and held it close to his body and he jumped out off the ledge. Expertly, he activated his jetpack and steered his way to the convention.

Fortunately for the agent, the opening ceremonies were taking place outdoors. If he could just aim perfectly, then no one would know about Doofenshmirtz and his evil scheme.

There!

He saw the group of foodies and their unseasoned food. He turned towards the festivities and began sprinkling salt onto the plates below him. When he was finished, he started to make his way back toward his home.

As he passed the park, he saw the picnic that the Fireside Girls were running with a group of rather disgruntled looking senior citizens. Those elderly people needed salt too! He threw a large handful of salt in that direction, allowing the wind to carry it to them and keeping his secret identity a secret.

"Come on, Mom! Hurry up!" Candace said, annoyed.

"Let me get a taste of the food first," Linda replied patiently. She scooped up a bite of food. "This is delicious! It has a nice salty taste to it! Want to try a bite?"

"I want to bust Phineas and Ferb!"

Linda looked at her watch. "You're going to have to wait, dear. The brining seminar is about to begin and I promised the boys that I wouldn't cook another turkey without trying Alton Brown's brining technique."

"But, Mom!"

"We'll go after this, I promise."

"Ok, promise?"

"I promise," she replied patiently.

"For our next course, we have freshly prepared eggplant and watercress sandwiches," Phineas said.

Cautiously, Ethel took a bite. "This is-"

"Terrible!" Roger shouted, interrupting her. "It's got all that salty seasoning! My tongue can't handle that!"

"Don't listen to him, sweeties," Ethel said with a smile. "It tastes wonderful."

The senior citizens, except Roger, began eating their meal with gusto.

"Thank you, Phineas," Isabella said with a grin.

"Of course, Isabella. Anything for you," Phineas said, smiling.

"For me?" she beamed.

"Sure, to help the elderly folks in Danville. No one is too old to recognize the importance of organic food," Phineas replied, unaware of her excitement.

"Oh. Of course."

If Candace had known that brining was going to take _six hours_, she would have never agreed to wait for her mom! But, she thought gleefully, there was no way Phineas and Ferb had gotten rid of that giant greenhouse.

The applause from the audience pulled her from her brother busting fantasy. It was finally over!

"Come on, Mom!" Candace pulled Linda's arm impatiently and led her through the entire convention, running. Finally, they reached the parking lot and the two of them got in the car.

Candace couldn't wait.

They were so busted.

"See? See, mom! Look at that and tell me that you don't want to bust the boys."

"Ok, I'm looking at it and I don't want to bust the boys."

"What?" Candace looked around where there were no signs of the green green greenhouse. "But, but, that's impossible."

"I'm going to go back to the convention, dear." She turned to Phineas and Ferb. "Expect a brined turkey for Thanksgiving this year, boys."

"That sounds great, Mom," Phineas said cheerfully. Ferb gave her a thumbs up.

"But…but, " Candace said as Linda left the backyard. "How did that thing disappear?"

"Never underestimate the power of salt," Ferb said wisely.

Suddenly, Perry made his way to Phineas' side before curling up and falling promptly asleep. "Oh, there you are Perry."


End file.
